Having Difficult Conversations
/Hi Everybody! It’s been a little while since my last post, but believe me, I’ve been doing lots of interesting work lately!
Today I want to talk about all the difficult conversations we NEED to have but often AVOID like crazy.
Who am I talking about? Probably lots of different people in your lives. Take a quick second to think about someone in your life that really BUGS you, gets under your skin…I’m sure someone popped into your mind!
Now think about what it is about that person that really bothers you…just sit with yourself and think about it for a moment. Don’t get caught up in the STORY of why they bother you, just try to identify an EMOTION or the feeling that comes up when you think of them.
It could be anger, frustration, jealousy, loneliness, etc…the list goes on and on.
Usually, there are 2 things going on in these situations.
The issue is not actually with them….it’s with YOU. (shocking I know, but we’ll explain)
Whatever feeling is coming up for you may be because you haven’t had a much needed difficult conversation with this person expressing what you are feeling (usually because it’s SO UNCOMFORTABLE and ultimately vulnerable).
Okay, let’s break this down…
When you get frustrated/irritated/whatever with someone else, ultimately it’s because there is a “wound” or emotional pattern inside of you that’s being poked or triggered. The problem is that these wounds are trying really hard to stay hidden with all kinds of complex defense mechanisms. It’s often hard for people to even identify that they are being triggered or that they have a wound somewhere below the frustration because they are so well hidden.
The person or situation or story that you are telling yourself and others is actually just the very tip top surface of the iceberg…the real problem is somewhere in YOU (and it’s under the surface and it’s hard to see).
It’s too difficult to get into all the ins and outs of how to start breaking down those defenses to really get at the deeper causes or wounds, but that’s part of what the KUNDALINI MEDIUMSHIP bodywork helps you to do.
The other main issue with these people is that we often AVOID (like the plague) having difficult conversations with these people. Why? There are literally a thousand different reasons I’ve heard from friends/patients/colleagues and myself as to why they (or I) don’t want to bring up whatever it is.
The problem with avoidance however, is that it entreanches the defenses and patterns you have and the ones that they have also. If for example, there’s a co-worker that does something really annoying everyday that drives you up the wall, and you never tell them, it only makes you suffer deeply, and doesn’t help create an opportunity for that pattern or behavior to shift or change for you or them.
But, you might say, it’s not worth it to bring it up, it will create conflict in the workplace. Yes, that may be true, but ultimately confronting whatever issues you have with yourself and others is the only way for those patterns to truly heal. It often feels very risky to put yourself out there (be vulnerable) and have a difficult conversation with someone, but the real risk is continuing to keep yourself in the same patterns that aren’t ultimately serving you. Maybe you feel uncomfortable with conflict all together, or maybe you are afraid of the other person’s reaction or are afraid of looking stupid in front of others…the list goes on and on as to why you want to keep avoiding this conversation.
But the REAL question is….
Why do you feel you have to be the peacemaker or avoid conflict?
Why are you afraid of other peoples’ anger or emotional reaction?
Why are you so afraid to make a mistake in front of others?
There are so many deep, rich places in yourself to start exploring and shifting these negative patterns, but in my experience, it takes a lot of hard work and difficult conversations.
Wow, there is SO much more to this topic than what I can get out on a blog post, but if you’re curious about this concept, or know you need or want change but don’t know how to get there, you might REALLY love the Mind/Body approach of Kundalini Mediumship bodywork.
We dive deep into these patterns and difficult conversations in the safe, private space of a treatment room, and then integrate what we talk about with bodywork and connecting deeply to yourself and to Spirit.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions, comments, and feel free to practice dealing with difficult conversations by calling me out if there’s something here that I missed or need to address!
Happy Monday and have a great rest of your week!